i can't decide

this is the story of a girl and her phone.

once upon a time, i had a regular phone.
and it was good enough.

i called people on occasion.
texted people back when they texted me.
and that was the extent of it.

then i met the smart phone.
and got a data package.
and my world changed.

probably not for the better.
but it changed, nonetheless.

so this phone.
i tried to figure out why it is working against me & not for me today.

upon entering the verizon store & telling the rep my issue, he passed me off to another guy who he seemed to feel was more adept at fixing my problem.

basically, he wasn't.
no offense to him.
he was a nice enough guy.
i just have a crap phone.

so, in an effort to rid myself of crap phone, i gave him a suggestion.

hey, why don't we just call this a day. you can just let me buy an iphone & we can be done with it. sound like a plan.

um, no. but...

i know. you can add a line & i can pay only $10 a month & then i can get an iphone. i don't want to do that. i want to get rid of this phone.

well, it looks like a memory issue. we will need to swipe it.

i know. we swiped it a month ago. hence the reason i am trying to put my email back on the phone. and it isn't happening.

he fumbles for 20 minutes more.

hey, i have an idea. why don't you just sell me an iphone? i want to give you my money. i don't want to go anywhere else. really.

no. i can't do that. but i can add a line...

this ridiculous banter goes on for 45 minutes.
he was one of those sarcastic types.
and i love sarcastic types.
you can give them a hard time & you both end up laughing in the end.

but guess what.
i left verizon with my same crap phone not working.

he said he was sorry.
i don't think he meant it.
but i like him anyways.

he did give me a suggestion under his breath.

call *611. be really nice. they might help you.

well, i am nothing but nice.
heck, i can't even hang up on the cold call people that ring me up at the most inopportune times.

i'm so nice i even feel a little guilty calling my phone crap.
cause it's not the phone's fault.

i'm so nice i leave treats for the ants & cockroaches in the yard every morning because i don't want them to go hungry..

i'm so nice...
ok. that was sarcasm.
a little.

but, anyways.

so i call up customer service.

and because i not only have a crap phone, but also crap service on my street, i had to park the car at the very end of the drive with the car running & air blowing.

so i gave it a try.
i told the customer service girl my story.
and i was super sweet.
and i didn't blame anyone.

and i even told her about the quiche that i spilled on the phone & how i was sent a new one or what i thought was a new one & then i found out it was a refurb & that is why it has never worked...

and would it be possible to just let me take advantage of my new every two today?

i didn't even mention the iphone.
cause i'm sure they get a lot of those calls.

she put me on hold.
for a really long time.
and i was thinking this being nice & compliant thing is really working in my favor.

nope.

but she is sending me a new phone - just like the crap phone i have. and this time it will not be a refurb. it will be a reconditioned phone. and that is supposed to make all of the difference.

and just because i am a fantastic customer, they are going to offer me my new every two in december.

yippee.
i get a new crap phone for 4 months.

so this is what i can't decide.

is it that i'm not hot enough.
or that i'm just too nice.

in the verizon store, i think the not hot enough part might fit the bill.

i mean, i was rockin' that 15 year old davidson basketball tee, covered in clorox stains & smears of peanut butter. and i was all sweaty from running errands the better part of the day. and i hadn't taken a shower.

but, hey.
my hair & brows were did.
thanks, maree.

but i guess hair & brows don't constitute someone working in an iphone, does it?

and just too nice.
i didn't know i could be too nice.

but you know what?

my sister-in-law called up verizon & told them she wanted an iphone. and she didn't care if it wasn't time for her new every two. and she had been a customer for as long as i have had my clorox stained davidson tee.

and you know what?
she got an iphone.
just like that.

you know what they said when i told them i had been a customer since the days of bag phones?

thank you for your continued service. would you like to add a line today?